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The Demon Within
“Baba beji” was the general name people called Mr. Akinwale which in English meant “Father of twins” and that was because he had two lovely children that were twins.
He was a very friendly man and one or two people living in our street could attest to the fact that he had helped them in one way or the other, he was a good and easy-going man.
His wife like people said, was the opposite of him. In a situation where baba Ibeji was trying to quench a fire started by either his wife or neighbors, his wife was seen adding diesel to the fire, it was as if she detested peace.
For some days my mom and some concerned neighbors noticed Baba Ibeji hasn’t been around and nobody saw him but just when they decided to ask his hot-headed wife about his whereabouts, he showed up, walking down the street in a pensive mood looking pale and unkempt.
His neighbors greeted him and tried to enquire about his wellbeing, he just smiled and told them he has been sick and was just recuperating, everybody down the street knew something was not quite well but nobody said a word.A few days after that day, I was playing in our backyard when I heard baba Ibeji and his other friend knocking on our door, my dad got a chair for them outside the terrace and as usual, I sat beside the window straining my ears to listen to them.
I heard baba ibeji talk about his wife physically abusing him and making the house intolerable for him because he recently lost his job.
His friend including my father laughed at him, his friend said “You need to show your wife you have the upper hand, stop trying to act like the nice gentleman, beat her the next time she tries to hit you, if you do this once or twice she will learn her lesson”.
I saw my father who has never raised a hand on my mother nodding in agreement.
Baba ibeji further talked about how he was depressed and he might be suicidal, his friend who came along with him laughed out loud and said again “You’re a man o, this is what I have been saying, you’re too much of a weakling, men don’t cry or lament, men chest everything that comes their way, you need to start acting like a man” he concluded and my father once again nodded in agreement.The night came so they stood up and went home.
Around 4:15 am, the next morning, we all woke up to a loud noise at baba Ibeji’s house, most people in our street had already gotten up and together we all headed to his house, we forced the door open and there he was, on the floor crying, he was covered with blood and his wife lying lifeless in the pool of her own blood.
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The Girl I Never Had…
Bella has always been my all-time crush, we went to the same primary school, secondary school, and university together.
She has a very pretty face with a smile that matches. She has the longest lashes I have ever seen so I ended up nicknaming her “lashes”.
My primary school days with her were fun. I didn’t know what I was doing or how I was feeling then, but I knew I liked having her around me. I’d tease her and follow her around like a puppy following its mother.
The feelings grew when we got to secondary school. I witnessed her grow from being a child to hitting puberty. She was sexy as hell. We became closer, and even if I had feelings for her, I was too shy to say anything.
When we got to the senior class, she already had boys flocking around her, and although it was annoying, I had to hide my emotions.
Luckily, we got admission into the same university. I have never been happier. I told myself I will summon the courage and finally ask her out.Four years passed and I still didn’t say a word; my courage seemed to fail me each time I felt like speaking up. I was there when she had her first boyfriend. I was there when she had her first breakup. I was there when she had her third and her fourth boyfriends. All this while, I kept my feelings, hoping that she would one day see through me but she never did.
Yea, I said “never did” because today, I watched as her father walk her down the aisle. Her face lit up when she saw me, but there I was, standing and staring at her.
I watched her say her vows to a man-in-suit. I was in a suit too but not as the groom. I was just the bride’s best friend since kindergarten. When the church service was over, she came down and hugged me. “Thanks for always being there, best friend,” she said as she kissed my cheeks; then she walked up to her man and they both left the church.
I stood there and watch her leave. This was the girl I had always loved; the girl I had secretly hoped to be mine but never was. -
STRANGER
I had a coffee with you, you were smiling and I was laughing.
When our lips met, I forgot about the world and focused on you, only you.
When we hugged, I could hear your heart beating so fast and I realized that you felt the same way too.
I knew right there that I had fallen in love with my own prince charming.When you opened your mouth to talk, it was as if I knew the exact words you wanted to say.
While waiting for you to say them out, I felt a jab and that woke me up to reality.
You’re still that same stranger that avoided my eyes when I look at you. -
Free as a bird
Growing up as a child I always wondered what it would feel like to be an adult.
I would be free to do anything I want, live on my own, and make my own decision
Sometimes the thought of it made me sleepless. I thought of how nice it was going to be, having to cook my meals and eat what I want without the influence of my mom.
But that was long ago, I am now an adult and I want nothing to do with adulthood again.
Making decisions and being scared about the aftermath of each decision I make.
I spend hours deciding what to eat and gathering all the strength I can to cook meals.
Crying about how bad my day has been and how life isn’t turning out exactly the way I want.
Trust me adulthood is shitty, they all lied to us.Thinking about how to meet our needs and trying so hard not to be pressured by society.
Without a doubt, it is not only me that feels this way, a lot of people do, our generation is full of depressed people trying to get by every day.
If I could, I would not only turn back the hands of time but also pause it, so I’d be a child forever, be catered for, loved, and not bothered about society and living up to standard so people don’t see you as a failure.
As a child, I would be free, yes, as free as a bird. -
MEMORIES THAT LINGER
Twelve years old me was sitting in between my mother’s leg under a mango tree in front of our house, my mom was making her hair as she always does every Saturday evening.
My brother was playing his usual ball made of socks beside us when my dad walked in, I got up to quickly leave and my brother followed suit.
That was how our family has always been aside from my mum, we all feared my Dad.
It wasn’t like that at first but when my dad comes home ever since he lost his job at a small company that closed down as a result of bankruptcy, he was always angry, either shouting at me, my brother, or my elder sister sometimes even my mom. It continued for months until it became a normal routine. So To avoid his shouts and slaps, we always leave and go back to our respective rooms, leaving my mum and my dad in the sitting room or outside.
As my dad came in and I got up to leave, my mom muttered about how my elder sister would be in trouble since my dad got home before her. Everybody including my mum feared for her.
“Amaka!”, my dad called, I raced outside immediately I heard my name because calling me the second time means I’m getting a slap and I didn’t want that.
“Tell Chioma to bring my food outside,” he said as soon as I stood in front of him. “Cchiiiomma is not around” I stammered slowly moving an inch backward.
“What!, where did she go? Mary, did you send her on an errand?” He roared at my mom.
“Yes, I did, she will soon be back” My mum lied.
Hump! My father made a sound and went inside.
Around 5 pm, my sister still wasn’t back and my mum was already uncomfortable.
“Mary where did you send her to?” I could hear my father ask my mum, “I actually didn’t send her on an errand she said she wanted to get something from her friend and she should have been back by now”
“And you lied about it”? What type of mother are you? Your daughter left the house without saying the specific place she is going and you let her?”
“Di, don’t start this night, please, she will soon be back” my mom replied my dad who was already raging with anger.
My dad stormed to his room and we came out to sit beside my mom, “Mama, will Chioma come back very soon” my brother asked looking at mom, “Don’t worry she will soon be back” my mum assured him while dragging him close to her chest.
Around 7 pm, my mum was no longer comfortable, she stood up and went to check if my sister was in sight, she returned back and from the look on her face, her heart was already in her mouth.
My father came out again with a shirt and shorts, shoved my mum aside, and went out, we all followed him outside including my mom.
My brother started crying and my mom had to carry him.
My dad put on his torch and was about to head outside the gate when my sister came inside, her eyes were bloodshot and she staggered inside.
My mom rushed to her side while my dad looked dumbfounded. From the bloodstain on her dress and the way her hair looked unkempt we could tell that just like Ada our neighbor’s daughter, she has been raped.
My Dad knew what had happened but he went back inside as if he didn’t see her, my mom brought my sister in so she could clean up, nobody said a word, my mum was silently crying but she didn’t say anything too.
A few days after the incident, my mum who had been sleeping in my sister’s room since the incident went to my Dad’s room. My dad had not said a word to anybody since the incident. The only thing he did was come out to eat then go out to cut herbs for my sister, he didn’t even enter her room.
As mom entered my dad’s room, I quickly tiptoed to eavesdrop on their conversation.
“Di, Chioma’s health is deteriorating, we need to do something about it,” my mom said softly.
“Okay, I will get her more herbs as soon as I get out” my dad replied.
My mum shook her head saying “No, this is no longer a matter of herbs, she needs to go to the hospital, have you seen her private part, the only thing I applied on it is herbs, and taking some of the herbs will not do anything either, she needs to go to the hospital, they need to stitch her at least”.
I could hear my dad stand and raised his voice at my mom “Take her to which hospital?? We should take her to the hospital so the whole world can know what happened to her?”
“Di, is this what you’re worried about? People knowing? was it not in our presence that Ada was raped and was rushed to the hospital for proper treatment, after everybody found out nothing happened, people will forget about it, they have even moved on from the incident if we can’t take her to the hospital at least let’s take her to Chief’s house he knows what to do”
“Mary, you will do no such thing, you won’t bring disgrace unto this family, I won’t let anyone disrespect us because of this small incident, I will go and get more herbs and that is final” with that, I could hear my dad leaving the room so I quickly ran back to my room, he came out and left the house angrily.
A week later, my sister was getting better but she never said a word, all she did was cry and my mom tried her best to calm her down, even though she was getting better physically I could see that she was no longer part of this world, she was always lost in thoughts. Each time I came to see her, I couldn’t look into her eyes, I was scared to see what her eyes would look like, she would stroke my hair and continued looking into a space, I knew I was slowly losing my sister.
I left her room and went back to my room to cry, my mom wasn’t around, she had gone to the market.
My father who still didn’t step a foot in my sister’s room was outside sitting down and looking up to the sky, my mom came back greeted him, and went inside, they had not really spoken to each other since the last time.
My mom entered my Sister’s room and shouted
“Ewoooooooo!!!!!”.
Myself, My father and my brother ran into my sister’s room to meet her in a pool of her blood, I could see my mom sitting beside her on the floor and I could see my sister’s hand, a razor blade in her left hand, and blood gushing out of her right wrist she had cut her wrist.
My sister died in our house, that was the day I would never forget in a hurry, I couldn’t cry and I couldn’t talk, I just looked at my mom and brother who was crying, I knew most of this was my father’s fault, if only he had taken her to the hospital, if only he had acted like he cared, if only he had said it wasn’t her fault, a lot of thoughts ran through my young mind.
A year later they caught the men who raped my sister and Ada, they had supposedly raped another girl and the police traced them with the help of the girl’s testimony. To date no one except us knew what had happened to my sister, my mom never recovered from the shock, she doesn’t talk a lot after the incident, she became an older version of herself. I still harbor hatred towards my father, I wish I know what my brother feels about the whole situation, I know he remembers everything but to date, he claimed not to remember anything even Chioma. -
ABOUT LOVE
High school wasn’t so nice at first, there was nothing fun about it or so I thought, I was an introvert who preferred staying at home watching a romantic or horror movie on my bed to going out to a party. Parties never seem appealing, I always thought it was just a group of people, drinking dancing, and wasting their time. Going out wasn’t my type of thing, I hate seeing people and it seems scary talking to people for the first time. I only have one friend, my best, Sarah.
Sarah and I met when we were much younger, I didn’t know how we started talking but we never stopped unless we fought. I knew everything about her and vice versa. She was neither an introvert nor an extrovert she was just in between. She always finds a way to blend into things easily, so luckily for her, she has several random friends unlike me who has got only her.
I read a lot of novels so most times when Sarah isn’t with me in school, I lock myself up in the toilet and read till the break is over. My life was boring but I was not ready to risk it, I hate mingling with people because I don’t know what to say when I’m around them so it was just better to stay in my lane where I can be myself and nothing else. My lifestyle seem pretty normal to me and it was as if nothing could go wrong until the day I met Andrew, that day changed my life.
Sarah like every normal day would nag me to go out with her, as usual, I said no that day, she was not persuasive enough but I just decided to go with her that day, I knew the guy whose party we were going to so I knew I’d be around familiar people even if we don’t talk, after making shocked Sarah swear not to leave my side throughout the night, I sneaked out of the window and went with her.The party was just like I thought it would be, people dancing to very loud music, drinking and laughing. I knew I was in for it that day but I just had to hold it in. Took my soft drink and went to sit at the back of the house which was a little bit quiet compared to inside, Sarah who didn’t keep her promise was inside mingling with friends and drinking. I sat down for about thirty minutes looking at the sky and silently wishing I had never come to the party.
I was lost in my thoughts for a few minutes and I didn’t notice the guy that stood in front of me, “So you’re not the party type?”, I looked up and saw him, under the full moon he was beautiful, his hairs were gently curled to the back and even if he was looking down at me, they still wouldn’t move. He was dark-skinned, tall with a well-built body to compliment his appearance. I was still appreciating his looks when he pointed to a space beside me and said “Can I sit?”, I didn’t have the heart to talk so I just nodded and shifted, he sat beside me and repeated his first question, ” You’re not the party type?”. I couldn’t look at him straight in his eye so I looked down and replied “Nah, I hate parties”.
“If you hate parties then why did you come?”.
“My friend, Sarah, she dragged me here, this is my second time,” I said again shyly.
“Of what? Having sex?” He replied, ” Huh?” I looked at him and he laughed.
“That was a joke, you should have seen the look on your face, so this is your second time coming to a party?”.
“Yea, it is, I still don’t get why you people do that”.
“Do what? Party? I like parties you get to meet people, it’s fun, makes you happy and you can forget your problems for the time being” he said.
“So people come to the party to forget their problems?”.
“Not all but some, I like going out, gives me the chance to meet everybody I’m supposed to meet every day, the fool, the wise, mean people, nice people like you, and yea, I get the fresh air too”.
“Hmmm” I made a quiet sound.
“You don’t like going out, do you?” He asked.
“Nah, I don’t, I prefer staying in my room, reading novels, or watching movies”.
“Sounds boring” he replied.
“Nah, it’s not, it’s fun for me”.
“Maybe I’ll take you out someday, so you can feel what I feel each time I step out,” he said looking at me.
“Maybe”.
He looked back towards the house and said “I love the song they are playing right now, wish I can dance to it”.
I looked at him again, this time more intently, “You can’t dance?”.
“Nah, I can’t but I love watching people dance, can you dance?”.
“Yes, I can, in my head” I answered.
He laughed again and this time I laughed with him too, “That was funny, I get it, you dance so well in your head but if you try it, it would be disastrous”
“Yea, something like that,” I said smiling
“What do you do best?” He asked.
“Write”
“Write?? Hmmm, I can draw, I’d like to draw you” he said, taking my hands in his. I could feel a shiver going up my spine, I looked at his eyes, I knew he felt it too.
“You’ve only seen me for like what? forty-five minutes and you can draw me already?”.
“Yes, I’ve seen for just forty-five minutes but I have looked at you hundreds of times, your eyes are beautiful but it’s more beautiful when you laugh, it is like they are closing up but they ain’t, your lips curve in the perfect way when you smile, I like the way you look at me, it is like I can see myself in your eyes, you’re a very beautiful woman”.
I looked at this young man again, my lips fell apart as if I wanted to say something but I couldn’t, nobody has ever made me feel that way before, I was close to this type of feeling only in my fantasy when I eventually mustered the courage to speak, I said: ” You make my heart beat faster than normal, there’s a medical word for that, I can’t remember “.
“Tachycardia?”.
“Yea, tachycardia” I replied and smiled.
“I just met you but it is like we’ve always talked like we’re more than friends,” I said again.
“Like lovers?” He replied.
“Yes, like lovers” I gazed at him again.
He said ” I want to kiss you, forget that, I’m going to kiss you ” and with that, he leaned towards me, came closer until our lips met and locked.
My heartbeat increased, I held my breath while kissing him, he tasted like apple, our tongues met and I shivered again not from cold but from the nudity of his mouth, he held me close until I became lost in his arms.
When we finally came apart, I looked into his eyes and I knew our lives would never remain the same again, I have fallen in love and he had also. I laid my head on his shoulders and he wrapped his hands around me, we both looked at the sky.
“Where have you been?! “Sarah asked interrupting our moment, we both got up, she looked at me then at him then back to me and said ” It’s past two, we have to go”
“Oh shoot! I have an early class tomorrow” I said as Sarah began to drag me inside the house.
The guy looked at me and started following me “it was nice meeting you” he said.
I looked back at him and smiled “It was nice too”.
As Sarah opened the front door and was pulling me out so we could leave he said “I’m Andrew by the way”
I giggled, waved, and shouted “I’m Chelsea.And that was it, I never saw Andrew again after that night, Sarah said he was one of the college guys that came to look for chicks like us, I knew she was wrong about him, Andrew wasn’t that type of person, I knew deep down our path was going to cross soon. And when that time comes I’ll be ready, ready to go places with him, ready to pose for him to draw and finally I’ll be ready to get out my shells and go into his world.
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Hehbonie 